Fear

Amen, words to remember…

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You have a Pile ……

I am back to work today . I have the greatest ONC patients …. One says you are not yourself, I say oh theres just so much….

She says stop, imagine yourself at your desk. It is a pile of organized , prioritized stack of papers. The wind blows through the window and the pile scatters all over the floor.  { what is going through your mind }. Are you going just leave them ? pick them up and throw them on the desk ?  NO.

Its called , OVERWHELMED

You need to BREATHE, you pick one up and see its not a important paper. So you realize you must  pick each one up and organize them by priority.

In life , you need to find a way to prioritize. It may be needed but is it need now, can it wait or is it simply out of your hands ? some things we hold on to with hope we can edit and its not even possible.

She made a key statement, when feeling frustrated ,overwhelmed, manic… Look outside the window at nature , look back in at your family, breathe in through your nose out through your mouth, and smile. You have all that you need and now its just a daily living.

I am in school, trying to care for and provide for my family with my husband . when i dont have class, working or off that day Iam at much more peace. To care for all my responsibilities. I know now today more than ever . I need to prioritize my pile.

 

 

When you are benched !

When you play softball & baseball.  or a sport in general

When you play the game and are benched or ‘thrown out the game’. You are upset, angered , frustrated , feel alone while everyone else is playing.

In life I feel being benched or thrown out is a blessing. When you go through something that gives you a shock and have no choice but to sit on the bench and watch life before you or go to the video to watch a replay. You realize so much that you are grateful for the set back’ .

Some times we need to be stopped in a our tracks and look back. To learn and grow as adults because we do not just turn 18 and know it all , though many think so.

Wake up, have a cup of JOE. and know that you are giving a brand new 24 hrs to smile and live . We are not to look back and dwell on how the day before went. Hoping you have chosen a positive support circle to continue your new 24.

You can take it to Matthews ‘ Do not worry’ OR Pema Chodron : when things fall apart.  Or whatever motivational literature can help you . Point is move forward  and improve . Do not acknowledge and still stay in the PITT

This week I have had some time to myself and time to accomplish chores and ideas, as my family is enjoying summer break and I had some repetitive days off. This is my first full week of blogging and enjoying it.

Days…… Those days …….

Every week I have the same routine. Work days, off days, school days, kids days, and chore days. Balancing all the activities of children and home life and work , my routine is all that I have to stay sane.

When I am off my routine, I get upset even slight panics. Yet when its for what ever reason and slow then I want to change it up. I make no sense. When I plan something out of the norm, I am excited until right before and want to cancel it . I love socializing and being around friends and family I just want it on my terms lol I don’t know . Fear of enjoying myself and forgetting something important.

I enjoy being a mother and a wife, yet sometime no ones sees my happiness because the lack of self control is it ? I don’t know but my frustration with ‘my’ normal every day life always shows though I wish it did not . for example if plans go wrong or child misbehaves I cannot address it in the moment or pick if its a battle worth it and move on .Maybe its the impulsivity ?

Now overall I am productive in all areas . I myself am just noticing small projects for myself ot work on .

My question is ….. am I the only one ???

‘Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life’

through the storm.. literally

‘when it rains it pours’

‘the domino effect’

I can go on and on with the sayings when things go wrong .

But has it happened to you ? when one thing directly after another/ next minute something else.

Today was one. after spending much time through out the day, trying to clear my mind and read motivational articles. After having some recent pitt moments. Smd determined to smile .

End of they day. I had a dispute, caught in a storm before a tornado then to find my home flooding. Occurring all within a 45 minute time period.I just had to sit down & think. really ?I can just quit and deal tomorrow, clean up now , or just bitch about it and get it out.

Is it Karma, am I having the struggles because I need to change my ways ? is it god, they say he only gives you what he knows I can handle and it is my turn to be tested for my weakness in controlling emotions and temper ? I honestly don’t know .

Or am I just freaking out because I am also a worry wart ,who over thinks every friggin thing?

A family in today’s world

I am a working mother ..

We have a large family , boys & girls  and both work full time and I also attend night school to advance my nursing career.

Boy, I can say that raising teenagers, preteens,and the in between age groups is not easy . I think we can all say a ‘ Amen’.

What makes it even harder is social media, peer pressure, communication and trying to compromise  the lifestyle of ‘ back in my day’ & 2015 perception of how to behave and definition of ignorance and respect.

I realized, we truly don’t begin to learn or grow up until we become parents. We learn from our children when needing to use self control or pick a battle just as we are told do with our spouse. We learn more about ourselves and honestly about what love is and how to love. I don’t just mean unconditional love to a child but also loving your spouse, building the team foundation and solidity.

majority of my husband and I’s debates are created when we are trying to direct/discipline a child . We are 2 adults raised in two entirely different lifestyles, trying our hardest to raise children in a completely different world then what we had .I recently had to stop in my tracks during a conversation with my family, after quoting my mothers favorite quote ‘ back in my day’ and realized . The world has truly changed so much that I do not even know where i have been during the change. To me this world just makes me shake my head ! I pray for my family daily and our future generations !!!

The green Ribbon

I thought of having a blog to let out my thoughts and hear insight , no judgement no rudeness. So I hope I found a safe home

I am not a therapist type person, I want to feel like i am not alone and not crazy feeling stressed or overwhelmed with life. And to help others who sometimes feel lost .

This august will be 1 year of my mothers passing and tomorrow is her birthday. 46 yrs old

Her life and death hit my heart , not so much of losing her because I knew she was lost and did not want to be in pain any longer but it has shown me a life I don’t want to live.

Depressed , lost , lonely and allowing fear and senseless worries to control me.

Often our mind is our worse enemy and fear controls our life and we don’t fully live.

I am not one to claim depression . I have ups and downs but lately I have realized that I allow one moment w emotions to control the rest of my day and it affects the house and I am perceived by others as unhappy which is not so.

I need a way to control emotion, as I speak to others I find I am not alone and  that feeling accompanied by advice is comforting.

Worrying

I never realized how much I worry about the most ridiculous things until I grew up , and I do not mean turning 18. I mean growing up mentally. realizing life is not lollipops and gum drops.

I can be having a normal ordinary healthy day and for some reason start to feel some kind of way and then bam’ ! the panic mode comes in. It does not even start with a important legit concern.

My worst is relationship issues

For what ever reason, my mind will scramble on a rough day and I will drive myself nuts over did I make a mistake, questioning so much but knowing and feeling secure the next minute. I truly feel I need something of a sabbatical and I think I may take it .

I know how my heart feels and I am secure of what I want . I love my children and my husband and what we are creating but for some reason some times i don’t want

to call it a doubt because heart fully i do not feel a doubt of any kind and i get so frustrated when my mind starts to behave in such a way

Why do we go through this ??

 

 

The thoughts ……….Your mind…. (1)

The thoughts that run through our mind are insane at times. We may find ourselves at the end of the day or even middle in a PITT. No one would know and we seek no one for help.

We question why something occurred , why we acted or reacted in a way, and doubt almost everything we do. Whether we show it or not . Our mind is our worse enemy. Even when we clearly know the answer.

The wise men and women have said , when make a mistake or receive a negative outcome. To trace your steps that led there to learn from it.

I feel we should trace our steps of the positive outcomes and learn from that . Not focus on the negative to learn from. You did right so you know you can again.

I went through life thinking no one else has the moments or no one else had experienced the same event. I’d look at others and wish for their life, as they smile .

Then as I grew up I realized every home had and has BS. they just don’t broadcast it. I grew up in a life style of 2000 generation Cheers ! not only everyone knew your name but also your dirty laundry. As I grew older I grew wiser or I would say Matured *. I also met new people such as my husband who grew up in a different world and learned  there is not just one way of doing something.

Keep things private, be careful who you open up to but also just know somethings are meant to be applied to the personal title.. But don’t feel alone because we are all living in the same world and all have a history.

Do not drive your self crazy over every event in life, because it is not your Life , it is just a moment in it . Breathe and take your next turn and start with a new emotion.