Outsider

Wow , I  am a outsider..

It use to bother me that I was not always welcomed by the cool crowd ,as a child and as young adult .

Now I see the same in my children and am trying to embrace who my child is and protect my child from Bullies.

It is a blessing to be a outsider

I wake up hoping I can love , laugh, smile, find joy in the moment.

I will make mistakes , I cry, i will ache, I will get frustrated and in a moment I will lose sight I am sure.

I  realized in this moment before logging in , I am a outsider.

( love the song Outsiders : Needtobreathe )

I do not fit ‘in’ to what is the ‘IN’ ..

Sometimes I look around and my jaw drops , what ‘ are ‘ we doing , where has the self respect , respect and basic foundation of morals , and what life is ? ‘

( I snort when I laugh )

I laugh at what ever I want to, and some times 5 mins after a joke.

I do not  care who others love . be friend .

unless it harms me or my family , it is not my place to comment.

I do not look so far ahead because I know I am not in control.

(I have learned )

I live I love ,

I tend to my family’s  needs .

I love when I can , I pray almost hourly. I do what I can for others when I can.

( I am to serve)

I do not allow myself to be bullied , I stand my ground on my beliefs yet I do not push them on others. I try to respect all .

I hope all women accept themselves , love them self and find fulfillment with in .

” Start by doing the necessary, then the possible, and suddenly, you are doing the impossible”  St Francis of Assi.

 

 

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Woman in the Mirror

Women in the Mirror

I do not know how to blog my thoughts.

I am going to run with it . I, like so many other women go through adventures / journeys in life. I have learned from many mistakes , maybe not all of them and not  right then but I can look while in a new situation and recall a lesson from the past .

( do I make sense ? , I hope so )

 

Today , I faced parenting issues , void from a recent loss of a loved one , marital disagreement, and then I was praying to my lord . I looked up and thought am I on the right path ?  Do i truly love the woman I see in my rear view mirror? am I proud of who she is ..?

Yes I do love me … Yes I am Proud .  why ? because I am still here. A wife, mom, daughter, friend driving my beat up  Bertha. I had not given up.. I know its the circle of life , learn as you live . Joshua 5:13

I remember the same feeling last year when my mother passed .  The M.E. determined that she took her life I was determined to learn from it. It made me sit and think. What was in her life that made her feel not worth living , did she feel not loved? did she feel her past haunted her ?  We all have a past , a demon , a insecurity, something that weighs heavy .

I once heard, challenge can be faced with grace and receive a victory ; a burden is heavy and can only destroy unless we lay it down’.

Do we cover up challenges because of fear ? or the burdens ? do we hide them ? ..

How many moms say they do not know what they are doing but don’t ask other moms because it will show weakness or are embarassed ? Or unhappy with their image and has to cover it up. So that their children do not develop self image issues because society is nuts these days . Galations 6

How about the wives ? who argues over ridiculousness with their spouse, because both parents are overwhelmed ? Or have friends that want to help and have tried so many times its considered enabling . I can go on and on but not sure if that is what blogging is for.

Now , today. I do not know what came alive but something is .schedule changes , house to clean, work obligations, recreational obligations. My children are growing daily.  I have great days and then days that the smallest incident consumes my mind if I handled it right. who am I kidding ? I wanted to grow up when i should have wanted stay a TOYS R US KID I do not know how to parent ha there is no book, I am learning myself  as I parent in life  . Yet that is also the adventure.🙂