Outsider

Wow , I  am a outsider..

It use to bother me that I was not always welcomed by the cool crowd ,as a child and as young adult .

Now I see the same in my children and am trying to embrace who my child is and protect my child from Bullies.

It is a blessing to be a outsider

I wake up hoping I can love , laugh, smile, find joy in the moment.

I will make mistakes , I cry, i will ache, I will get frustrated and in a moment I will lose sight I am sure.

I  realized in this moment before logging in , I am a outsider.

( love the song Outsiders : Needtobreathe )

I do not fit ‘in’ to what is the ‘IN’ ..

Sometimes I look around and my jaw drops , what ‘ are ‘ we doing , where has the self respect , respect and basic foundation of morals , and what life is ? ‘

( I snort when I laugh )

I laugh at what ever I want to, and some times 5 mins after a joke.

I do not  care who others love . be friend .

unless it harms me or my family , it is not my place to comment.

I do not look so far ahead because I know I am not in control.

(I have learned )

I live I love ,

I tend to my family’s  needs .

I love when I can , I pray almost hourly. I do what I can for others when I can.

( I am to serve)

I do not allow myself to be bullied , I stand my ground on my beliefs yet I do not push them on others. I try to respect all .

I hope all women accept themselves , love them self and find fulfillment with in .

” Start by doing the necessary, then the possible, and suddenly, you are doing the impossible”  St Francis of Assi.

 

 

Woman in the Mirror

Women in the Mirror

I do not know how to blog my thoughts.

I am going to run with it . I, like so many other women go through adventures / journeys in life. I have learned from many mistakes , maybe not all of them and not  right then but I can look while in a new situation and recall a lesson from the past .

( do I make sense ? , I hope so )

 

Today , I faced parenting issues , void from a recent loss of a loved one , marital disagreement, and then I was praying to my lord . I looked up and thought am I on the right path ?  Do i truly love the woman I see in my rear view mirror? am I proud of who she is ..?

Yes I do love me … Yes I am Proud .  why ? because I am still here. A wife, mom, daughter, friend driving my beat up  Bertha. I had not given up.. I know its the circle of life , learn as you live . Joshua 5:13

I remember the same feeling last year when my mother passed .  The M.E. determined that she took her life I was determined to learn from it. It made me sit and think. What was in her life that made her feel not worth living , did she feel not loved? did she feel her past haunted her ?  We all have a past , a demon , a insecurity, something that weighs heavy .

I once heard, challenge can be faced with grace and receive a victory ; a burden is heavy and can only destroy unless we lay it down’.

Do we cover up challenges because of fear ? or the burdens ? do we hide them ? ..

How many moms say they do not know what they are doing but don’t ask other moms because it will show weakness or are embarassed ? Or unhappy with their image and has to cover it up. So that their children do not develop self image issues because society is nuts these days . Galations 6

How about the wives ? who argues over ridiculousness with their spouse, because both parents are overwhelmed ? Or have friends that want to help and have tried so many times its considered enabling . I can go on and on but not sure if that is what blogging is for.

Now , today. I do not know what came alive but something is .schedule changes , house to clean, work obligations, recreational obligations. My children are growing daily.  I have great days and then days that the smallest incident consumes my mind if I handled it right. who am I kidding ? I wanted to grow up when i should have wanted stay a TOYS R US KID I do not know how to parent ha there is no book, I am learning myself  as I parent in life  . Yet that is also the adventure.🙂

 

finding your place

Through out all of the stages of life. Child hood , young adult, adult and elderly you are always trying to find yourself or I call it Improving. It seems normal because everyday you are learning.

At a young age we are introduced to our emotions. Just the names though. We are never actually taught how to use them or what to use them for.

We have recently watched a movie called Inside/Out it is a disney pixar and focus is on Emotions and how each one is needed and works off of the other. Such is allow sadness to bring Joy.

With emotions comes Self control , this is another part of life that I feel we learn and gain more of as we mature and grow.

At what point in life, can we say ok enough learning and live ? never .

we should feel fulfilled and happy with ourselves but always acknowledge there is always room to grow to become better than yesterday

THINK before you …

Thinking before you act ? that is said to be best advice anyone can recieve.

It invovles more than just to think, when you pause before you speak or act.

You what ? breathe, in through your Nose out through mouth. might even step back from where standing to do so. You are adjusting your mind, body and soul.

We have so many situations where you speak, act and/or involve self in a situation where you are either experiencing impulsivity, emotion or simply NEWTONS THIRD LAW. {every action has a reaction }

Child has bad day , you ask to complete a chore, he runs mouth , you send him to room with mood, husband comes home , your mood is directed to him from what just happened then its a explosion.  Child mood, rubs on your mood, your mood rubs on husbands mood  and its a domino affect.

Advice :

You are Thinking…

She says’ I’ll frustrate others from the moment I take before I speak, Thats exactly what happens when my husband is silent but its because he says he must assess it first’. Realizing god gives you your life partner to learn & grow together.

in end it is talked through instead of screaming through… personal,profession and/or other.

As time goes …

so often we go through life wanting what we dont have.

Straight hair wants curly . Light skin tans to become darker. Thick wants skinny AND believe it or not , I am meeting skinny who wants thick. This  supports the ole’ saying ” you want what you can’t have”

I think it is time to stop and examine what we truly have.

I had a birthday, wedding anniversary , children birthday, holiday and funeral all in the past week. I had a extremely intenese work week and in the end . It is helping me realize that not even do I need to change how I view my life and react to life but also having me realize I need to acknowledge each moment but not plan. My husband has always told me to just slow down and not panic and especially not over the things we cannot control or address now. Things that are much easier said then done BUT can be placed on goals .

Finances

Raising a family

Career / education.

How to balance and enjoy the moments at same time

Easy , do not dwell on ‘ happiness’ but fufill yourself and the day, with what gives you joy and makes you smile.

Do not ignore your pile of to-do’s or needs but assess accordingly .

then you will have your peace……

 

You have a Pile ……

I am back to work today . I have the greatest ONC patients …. One says you are not yourself, I say oh theres just so much….

She says stop, imagine yourself at your desk. It is a pile of organized , prioritized stack of papers. The wind blows through the window and the pile scatters all over the floor.  { what is going through your mind }. Are you going just leave them ? pick them up and throw them on the desk ?  NO.

Its called , OVERWHELMED

You need to BREATHE, you pick one up and see its not a important paper. So you realize you must  pick each one up and organize them by priority.

In life , you need to find a way to prioritize. It may be needed but is it need now, can it wait or is it simply out of your hands ? some things we hold on to with hope we can edit and its not even possible.

She made a key statement, when feeling frustrated ,overwhelmed, manic… Look outside the window at nature , look back in at your family, breathe in through your nose out through your mouth, and smile. You have all that you need and now its just a daily living.

I am in school, trying to care for and provide for my family with my husband . when i dont have class, working or off that day Iam at much more peace. To care for all my responsibilities. I know now today more than ever . I need to prioritize my pile.

 

 

When you are benched !

When you play softball & baseball.  or a sport in general

When you play the game and are benched or ‘thrown out the game’. You are upset, angered , frustrated , feel alone while everyone else is playing.

In life I feel being benched or thrown out is a blessing. When you go through something that gives you a shock and have no choice but to sit on the bench and watch life before you or go to the video to watch a replay. You realize so much that you are grateful for the set back’ .

Some times we need to be stopped in a our tracks and look back. To learn and grow as adults because we do not just turn 18 and know it all , though many think so.

Wake up, have a cup of JOE. and know that you are giving a brand new 24 hrs to smile and live . We are not to look back and dwell on how the day before went. Hoping you have chosen a positive support circle to continue your new 24.

You can take it to Matthews ‘ Do not worry’ OR Pema Chodron : when things fall apart.  Or whatever motivational literature can help you . Point is move forward  and improve . Do not acknowledge and still stay in the PITT

This week I have had some time to myself and time to accomplish chores and ideas, as my family is enjoying summer break and I had some repetitive days off. This is my first full week of blogging and enjoying it.

Days…… Those days …….

Every week I have the same routine. Work days, off days, school days, kids days, and chore days. Balancing all the activities of children and home life and work , my routine is all that I have to stay sane.

When I am off my routine, I get upset even slight panics. Yet when its for what ever reason and slow then I want to change it up. I make no sense. When I plan something out of the norm, I am excited until right before and want to cancel it . I love socializing and being around friends and family I just want it on my terms lol I don’t know . Fear of enjoying myself and forgetting something important.

I enjoy being a mother and a wife, yet sometime no ones sees my happiness because the lack of self control is it ? I don’t know but my frustration with ‘my’ normal every day life always shows though I wish it did not . for example if plans go wrong or child misbehaves I cannot address it in the moment or pick if its a battle worth it and move on .Maybe its the impulsivity ?

Now overall I am productive in all areas . I myself am just noticing small projects for myself ot work on .

My question is ….. am I the only one ???

‘Being in control of your life and having realistic expectations about your day-to-day challenges are the keys to stress management, which is perhaps the most important ingredient to living a happy, healthy and rewarding life’